Wednesday 18 May 2011


...I ought to do small entries... really really small ones which will encourage me to blog more often?!

I want to spend some time tonight just making a note of all the cute phrases Ethan keeps coming up with at the moment. He's getting pretty good at little sentences now, from simple stuff like "mummy's shoes there" to "Alfie, where are you?". It's so cute, and it makes my heart melt. He and I can have little conversations now, I can ask him if he likes his food and he says "yes, it's nice" (most of the time!!). I feel so proud of him, you know when you feel that swell of emotion in your chest? I get that from him :)

We've also had a few instances of what I'm going to call applied counting... just making that phrase up, but what I mean is that I know Ethan can count to 5, has been able to for a while (though he often omits the number 1) but in the last week he's counted objects such as "two dogs" or "four lights". I've found this quite impressive! It's amazing to see his understanding of the world grow and know I've had a part in that.

Today I went to the Doctors to talk about starting to reduce my anti depressants. I've been given a plan for the next 3-4 months to gradually reduce my dosage to (hopefully) nothing. I feel pretty good about this. I don't have any expectations and I know I can take it at my own pace and if it doesn't work, it doesn't matter. It's taken a long time to reach this "place". Around this time last year I came off my antid's and it wasn't very well managed. I didn't know as much and the Doctors didn't manage me/it well so I ended up going cold turkey. I was told later that it's like coming off a class A drug cold turkey - I can promise you it's not nice. And once you've gone through all the lovely symptoms including shakes, dizziness, being spaced out, mood swings etc.. you find that actually you're not better at all anyway.. and then you crash. Well, it was hell. But I know that's not going to happen this time.

It's funny. Last year, going to the Docs and discussing my medication would have had me in an anxiety attack, but now I feel calm and acutally more relaxed for having gone.