Thursday, 8 December 2016

Does it matter?

This last year or so, I've really lost my blogging mojo.  My entire online mojo really.  I've not blogged as much, I've not been feeling much like writing and when I have, I've not been too sure what to write.  Or I've felt that I've just churned something out and it's not really been worth it.. I've let the social media side of things drop.  I struggle to keep up with it.  I find myself wondering how other parent bloggers manage it.  How?  How are you on twitter and Instagram and Facebook so much and still attending to your children?  I'm not criticising at all, I'm genuinely curious - is there something I'm missing or is it that my children are just very demanding of my time and energy?

Certainly, there is something in that last point.  Felix started at preschool this September and one of the things the staff there have said to me over and over again is, how do I manage with Felix?  I've been asked countless times, "What can you do to get Felix to sit still for longer than one minute?  Does he ever sit still?"..  I have to tell them, truthfully, nothing really makes Felix sit down.  About the only thing would be his bottle of milk and I know, I KNOW that ideally a three year old should not be drinking milk from a bottle, but it is the only time I can be sure (mostly) that he'll stay in one place.  He's been the same since the moment he was born.  On the go.  All of the time.  He never wants to stop.  I'm sure it's one of the reasons he's always leaving it beyond the last minute to get to the loo despite being out of daytime nappies since his 2nd birthday.  I'll never forget the day he rolled over for the first time.  He was 3 days old.  Yes.  You read that correctly, 3 DAYS old.  He needed a nappy changing and I'd placed him on the changing mat on the floor.  I didn't have something to hand, wipes probably, so I asked Ethan to keep an eye on him and I left the room to get them.  As I left the room, Ethan piped up "Will he be ok on the floor?" and I answered "Yes! He's 3 days old he can't go anywhere!".  You know what I found when I came back in, don't you.  He had been on his back when I left and he was on his front when I came in.  With his head and neck fully lifted.  He was able to hold his head from birth too.  There's no way Ethan moved him.  He was still sat in the same placed glued to the ipad.  He'd not moved, that much was clear (and Ethan avoids contact with his brother at all costs, even from birth, but that's another story...).  Felix did the same the following day and I got photographic evidence.  Anyway, it's by the by, the point is, he's a fidget bum and always has been.  What I'm trying to illustrate here is that there is no doubt Felix is a high energy tired and I do think that after 7 years of being a stay at home Mum and 3.5 years of being a Mum to Felix I am rather worn down and demotivated.

Back in 2012 my blog was doing quite well for itself.  My readership was growing, I had a good growing following on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.  I got comments on almost all my blog posts, not just the ones that were added to linkys.  I held two of my own linkys each week one of which was really quite successful.  I was nominated for quite a few blog awards and shortlisted for a couple.. But I would say that after the birth of Felix in 2013 it all tailed off.  I found it hard to get to get back into, I was shattered.  And in those few months my readership fell away and other blogs sprung up left, right and centre.  Some of those blogs are deservedly huge now, like Hannah of Make, Do and Push.  Her blog is doing amazingly and I know she works very very hard at it.  So it is very deserved.

All of this leaves me in this weird place now.  Sometimes I feel sad about my blog.  Like I've let it die.  Other times I don't care and think life would be easier if I'd just let it die totally and get on with living in the "real" world.  I feel like I've let myself down though.  I feel, like I do with many things in my life, like I've given up on it.  Like I'm just not quite good enough and really, what's the point?  I don't know.  I've had friends and some readers tell me my writing is good.  My photos on Instagram are good.  But I don't know.  Is it just an over-saturated market?  Should I just gracefully bow out?  I'm just not sure......

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