I've had a lot of thoughts rumbling around my head recently (yes, really!) and they all stem from a "what am I good at?" kinda place. I'll be honest about why, even though it will make me sound quite pathetic and jealous. My friend Lise has started blogging recently and she is truly wonderful at it. I don't wish to take away from how good her blog posts are at all, because I love them. They are insightful, useful and just plain ol' funny! Her use of language is what sets them apart from the rest of the multitude of "mummy blogs". She's just fantastic. And I love reading whenever she posts.. but in truth, I am jealous. I've blogged for years in one form or another, and this blog has been going for over a year. I don't always post regularlly, sometimes there are gaps that last a few months... However, I suppose I always had this thought at the back of my mind that somehow people would love my blog posts and I would suddenly attract a huge amount of readers and people posting comments. It hasn't happened. I don't know why. Perhaps it's the frequency of my blog posts, the subjects, or my writing.. I don't know! More than likely I've not had much exposure. Lise's blog is quite rightly recieving a lot of attention. And that's great! I do honestly (and I mean honestly) feel very happy for her... but it's been bothering me as well.
Why am I doing this blog? Really, truly, is there much point about me rambling on on here if no one (or pretty much no one!) is reading. I know you could say "it's like a diary! It doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not, it's just a record of your thoughts and feelings at a certain time and a good way for you to look back on them". True. But I'm afraid I'd be lying if I said that satisfied me. I've never been very good at keeping a diary. Much like my attempts at novel writing, it would dry up pretty quickly. However, if I feel I'm writing for someone else to read, it spurs me on a little!
I think I have to accept that blogging is not my forte.. at least, not blogging for blogging's sake. Perhaps if I have something specific to blather on about my blogs might become more useful/interesting! So, this is what leads me on to my further ponderings. What am I good at? Let me think....
I'm creative, there's no doubt about that... But I'm not execptional. I can draw, I can play the piano (though I'm rusty these days!) and I can dance. But I don't stand out. Perhaps I'm just destined to be a bit "middle of the road"?!
I tried to take up crochet this year.. those who do read may remember me mentioning that around the new year mark, taking up a new hobby. Now, whilst I have not become the 'happy hooker' I'd hoped I'd become, I haven't given up on my hopes. I've not made anything, but I have completed a few swatches, and I have started up a stitch and bitch group with a couple of ladies I know. I suppose that's a sort of middle of the road success!! Even if I've not made something myself, I like to think that my friend Emma has succeeded in completing that cardigan for her daughter more quickly with the support of our meetings!
I think I'm worried that there's not much to me. It's difficult when you have a toddler and don't "work". There's very little that defines you. I suppose I'm worried about not having much to talk about or to bring to other peoples lives. So, your a SAHM are you? Whoopee!! Anyone can do that! What else can I talk about? PND? Mmmm, that's a conversation starter!! I don't even watch most of the TV programs other people watch!! I need something else in my life. Perhaps I should pick up some pencils and start sketching again....
One thing I think I truly am good at is making our house look good. I know colours.. I'm good at organising furniture and items around the house so they look their best. I can fit the world around me together. I am very very proud of our house. Perhaps I can post some photos of that and you, reader, can appraise me!! I'll post some at the end of this little tirade!
I suppose my problem has always been that I rely too heavily on the opinions of others to achieve self respect and these days the only person who gives me feedback is Ethan.. and sometimes his 'feedback' is very damning! (i.e. "don't look at me mummy! no like!").
I hope with all this ranting and raving I don't put off what readers I do have! All I can say is that if you are reading, I love to see your comments, it makes me so excited in a sad way!
Now, to trawl my laptop for house photos....
OK.. I got a bit bored/tired.. so I only found a few. Here's our entrance "hall" (read tiny space in which you enter the house!")
And here's our bedroom...
Those are the most recent house photos I have.. the rest are a bit out of date! Perhaps I'll pop around the house later and document it!
Well, that's about all I can ramble about for now.. it's 10pm. Time to enjoy my last few moments before bed... night all!
You daft bugger. I love your blog and I love you. you are fantastic at so many things and a brilliant mummy. The photos of your house put me to shame - I live in squalor - SQUALOR I tell you. Seriously, you'd recoil in horror if you visited my house. OK, so I can put words together in an amusing way, but I'm an appalling housewife, I look a state which you never do), I couldn't put an outfit together if my life depended on it, I can't crochet AT ALL, not even a little tiny bit and my drawings don't progress more than stick men. I actually failed GCSE art. I demand that you start posting your achievements on this blog. I want to see more house pictures, your artwork, every single thing you make and do. mainly because I'm nosy and interested, but also because if you see it all here you'll have concrete proof of how brilliant you are.ReplyDelete
PS I've been writing for 15 years and haven't had the guts to make a career of it because putting myself out there is too scary. That makes me quite rubbish. ;-)ReplyDelete
Hey! I read your blog last night and really wanted to comment but to be honest couldn't keep my eyes open long enough!ReplyDelete
I just wanted to say a few things.... :) I always read your blogs and love them but it just never occured to me to comment before, so sorry!
When I read this one it was like you were reading my mind though... I've been feeling the same way recently, ok so I'm good at some things but is there anything I can do which is actually a unique or at least great talent?! I'm not sure my house bleaching abilities count?! I feel like I haven't ever found my calling in life and feel unfufilled being a stay at home mum with, like yourself, pnd. I love the kids to bits and love being around for them but sometimes you just need something for yourself too?
Going back to you though... :D I LOVE your home! It is gorgeous and you really do have a wonderful talent for colour and detail. Oh and I adore your owls! I also totally envy your taste in gorgeous coats!
You have an amazing little man too, who you always dress in the coolest outfits I've seen! When I read what Ethan gets up to it makes me want to be an even better Mum too as I always think you are giving him a totally lush upbring!
Oh and lastly thank you, your great taste has introduced me to the worlds of Threadless and Elodie Details :D (although I'm not sure my bank balance really thanks you though!! ;) )
I always realise when its too late to hide my typos that I should have read that back before posting! I meant upbringing! xxxReplyDelete
Just a quick reply to you both as I don't have much time this evening and Ethan is painting with a yoghurt at the moment (rolls eyes!) but thank you for your comments, I'm feeling really emotional now, in a good way! xx
Oh Alex I *love* your blog! I wish you'd blog more, I love how you write too. You a creative and seriously fashionable Mama!! :)ReplyDelete
I write in my blog as a diary, I'm going to print it off when my babies grow up. :)