I've had a lot of thoughts rumbling around my head recently (yes, really!) and they all stem from a "what am I good at?" kinda place. I'll be honest about why, even though it will make me sound quite pathetic and jealous. My friend Lise has started blogging recently and she is truly wonderful at it. I don't wish to take away from how good her blog posts are at all, because I love them. They are insightful, useful and just plain ol' funny! Her use of language is what sets them apart from the rest of the multitude of "mummy blogs". She's just fantastic. And I love reading whenever she posts.. but in truth, I am jealous. I've blogged for years in one form or another, and this blog has been going for over a year. I don't always post regularlly, sometimes there are gaps that last a few months... However, I suppose I always had this thought at the back of my mind that somehow people would love my blog posts and I would suddenly attract a huge amount of readers and people posting comments. It hasn't happened. I don't know why. Perhaps it's the frequency of my blog posts, the subjects, or my writing.. I don't know! More than likely I've not had much exposure. Lise's blog is quite rightly recieving a lot of attention. And that's great! I do honestly (and I mean honestly) feel very happy for her... but it's been bothering me as well.
Why am I doing this blog? Really, truly, is there much point about me rambling on on here if no one (or pretty much no one!) is reading. I know you could say "it's like a diary! It doesn't matter if anyone reads it or not, it's just a record of your thoughts and feelings at a certain time and a good way for you to look back on them". True. But I'm afraid I'd be lying if I said that satisfied me. I've never been very good at keeping a diary. Much like my attempts at novel writing, it would dry up pretty quickly. However, if I feel I'm writing for someone else to read, it spurs me on a little!
I think I have to accept that blogging is not my forte.. at least, not blogging for blogging's sake. Perhaps if I have something specific to blather on about my blogs might become more useful/interesting! So, this is what leads me on to my further ponderings. What am I good at? Let me think....
I'm creative, there's no doubt about that... But I'm not execptional. I can draw, I can play the piano (though I'm rusty these days!) and I can dance. But I don't stand out. Perhaps I'm just destined to be a bit "middle of the road"?!
I tried to take up crochet this year.. those who do read may remember me mentioning that around the new year mark, taking up a new hobby. Now, whilst I have not become the 'happy hooker' I'd hoped I'd become, I haven't given up on my hopes. I've not made anything, but I have completed a few swatches, and I have started up a stitch and bitch group with a couple of ladies I know. I suppose that's a sort of middle of the road success!! Even if I've not made something myself, I like to think that my friend Emma has succeeded in completing that cardigan for her daughter more quickly with the support of our meetings!
I think I'm worried that there's not much to me. It's difficult when you have a toddler and don't "work". There's very little that defines you. I suppose I'm worried about not having much to talk about or to bring to other peoples lives. So, your a SAHM are you? Whoopee!! Anyone can do that! What else can I talk about? PND? Mmmm, that's a conversation starter!! I don't even watch most of the TV programs other people watch!! I need something else in my life. Perhaps I should pick up some pencils and start sketching again....
One thing I think I truly am good at is making our house look good. I know colours.. I'm good at organising furniture and items around the house so they look their best. I can fit the world around me together. I am very very proud of our house. Perhaps I can post some photos of that and you, reader, can appraise me!! I'll post some at the end of this little tirade!
I suppose my problem has always been that I rely too heavily on the opinions of others to achieve self respect and these days the only person who gives me feedback is Ethan.. and sometimes his 'feedback' is very damning! (i.e. "don't look at me mummy! no like!").
I hope with all this ranting and raving I don't put off what readers I do have! All I can say is that if you are reading, I love to see your comments, it makes me so excited in a sad way!
Now, to trawl my laptop for house photos....
OK.. I got a bit bored/tired.. so I only found a few. Here's our entrance "hall" (read tiny space in which you enter the house!")
And here's our bedroom...
Those are the most recent house photos I have.. the rest are a bit out of date! Perhaps I'll pop around the house later and document it!
Well, that's about all I can ramble about for now.. it's 10pm. Time to enjoy my last few moments before bed... night all!