I hate that now Ethan is old enough to know emotions, he knows when I am upset and low. This anxiety/PND/whatever it is takes over and I sit there crumpled on the floor, hot tears streaming down my face. He knows I'm crying. He comes over and hugs into me so I end up sobbing into his hair.
"I kiss it better Mummy"
My little man.
What is this doing to him?
At the Doctors, he hears what we are discussing. I have no option but to take him in with me. He hears snippets of conversation and pipes up:
"Mummy is very sad. She cries on the sofa. Mummy shouted at me today. Mummy sorry to me".
My heart breaks just hearing him uttering those words.
Before, when he couldn't speak, I couldn't know for sure if I was affecting him. Now I feel sick at what I might be doing.
Ethan. If you ever read this. I love you little man. Mummy really is trying to be the best mummy she can. I promise. I'm going to keep trying. It's all I can do.