Earlier this week I posted on my blog at Direct2Mum about anxiety and my concerns that mine is getting worse.
Since then I've had my Doctors appointment. There was no real definite outcome from my appointment but strangely I do feel better. I think it's just from having talked about how I've been feeling, both to a professional and to a few friends (and hubby). As I suspected, there are four options for me.
1) Do nothing.
2) Take medication
3) Have counselling/CBT
4) Take medication alongside CBT
I'm not sure which way I'm leaning yet. As I said, since my appointment I have been feeling better.. Perhaps it's just the knowledge that I do have choices. I am much more aware of myself and my mental state these days and I know I will never let myself get into the messes I've been in before. I don't just have to "let myself" slide from anxiety into paranoia and depression and into a state in which I cannot function. I know the signs. This is a powerful situation.
I think in the very least I will get myself put onto a waiting list for some CBT because I'm sure it will be of benefit to me. I think I would benefit with some sort of re-brain-training so that I don't feel compelled to make sure the house is as tidy as possible before leaving it. I can leave toys lying around these days, that's not so bad, but I'm really funny about making sure washing up is done straight away. What exactly is it I think is going to happen? The tidy police will pop round whilst I'm out and mark me down for a couple of dishes i the sink? I don't want to be untidy, but I would like to be more relaxed about leaving things so that we can leave the house in time. So often we turn up late or on the cusp of late for groups/crèche sessions etc. because I've rushed to get as many things done as possible before leaving the house. It's silly and it creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. I'm sure it can't be doing Ethan any good?
I will update again soon, but for now I'm going to make a note in a diary of how I'm feeling each day so I get an accurate idea of how often I'm feeling anxious. If I feel bad again I'll get back to the Drs pronto. I'll get myself on that CBT waiting list.
Anyone out there with CBT experience? Been through it? Know about it? Do you think it can help? Have you got the same issues I do? I'd be glad to hear from anyone else who feels like this..